Yesterday was a rough day for me. Out of respect for the other parties, I won’t be able to go into details. Yesterday I had two kicks to the stomach. Two things that I didn’t see coming. Two things that really hurt me. My trust was broken by two different people. I was feeling very discouraged and heartbroken. Have you ever felt so much sadness that your heart literally hurt as if it was actually breaking. It sounds cheesy but thats really how I felt.
Yesterday I was so pessimistic. Thinking to myself that no matter what I do or how far I try to plan ahead or do things the right way that something is always going to go wrong. I’m always going to struggle.
Sick Days. Traffic. Weather. Distance from family. Trust. Friendships. Work. Marriage. Daycare.
I thought to myself “Its always something. Half of the struggles I wouldn’t have to worry about if i didn’t choose to have a family.”
But what’s life without family? I live for them. I don’t know what my life would be without them.
I’m then reminded that the struggle is part of my story.
How can I appreciate the good days if i don’t have the bad days?
So many people would love to have children of their own and would choose my small struggles over their life changing struggles. How dare I take them for granted.
I try to never cry in front of my kids and yesterday I did. Brayden just looked at me like “why are you crying mommy?”
This little boy grabs both sides of my face and pulls me in for a big open mouthed kiss on the lips. Later that night, Brylee smiled at me and Brayden had me laughing so hard when I didn’t even want to smile. I have a husband and two amazing babies that love and appreciate me. They make every struggle and heart break worth it. THAT is why I do what I do.