You don’t have to go to marriage counseling just when something is wrong. You can actually go to be proactive. Branden and I went to weekly sessions with our Pastor before we got married. I can’t remember how many sessions it was but it was very beneficial.
We went to make sure we were making the right decision. It really helped us get on the same page. By talking about certain things prior to having kids and prior to getting married it can help eliminate a lot of arguments.
How many kids do you want? (I said I would be ok with 3, he was dead set on 2. I compromised.)
Whats your parenting style? (We both agree to back each other up, I would describe our parenting style as ‘tough love’)
How do you plan to discipline? i.e.Spanking, Time out (A lot of people don’t agree on this and it can cause arguments and confusing for the kids.)
Who will be in charge of finances? Joint or Separate accounts?
These type of questions were brought up. But instead of us figuring it out as we go and arguing about it in the heat of the moment, we were able to sit down with an outside party and talk about it. Getting married was such a happy time for us which makes it a perfect time to make a game plan for our future.
We sat down and wrote down goals that we wanted to achieve. Get married, Buy a house, Pay off loans, Save Money, buy a bigger house, have kids back to back, etc.
I think sitting down and writing goals really helped us work together…as we should be. Marriage is a partnership so being combative and arguing is toxic. NOT SAYING WE DONT FIGHT just simply saying that we figured out the big stuff and fight about the petty stuff 🙂
This was just something that was on my mind that I thought I would share. I look at some things that Branden and I agree on and work together on and I can honestly say it was from the help of counseling.
One last thing I wanted to share from our experience- He asked us to Write down three people that we love.
Brittany, Mom, Dad
Our pastor pointed out that i wrote my parents first and he wrote me first.
He said that the person you write first is who you are more dependant on and this made total sense to us because Branden had moved away from home a year before that where as I was still living at home. He reassured branden that he would make it to the top of my list in due time, lol.