Been weighing heavy on my mind today… It’s been a couple months… But it’s something that I, as a mother, cannot seem to shake…the guilt. It’s really something that I should get over by now.
March 8th was a long time ago and that chapter of our lives has since closed. 30 minutes before the end of my shift I received a text from my daycare provider telling me that she wishes she could put my kids in a bubble and proceeded to tell me “what happened”. They got hurt… Again. This time she jokingly told me that Brayden slipped on the playground and hit his face on a step. I was mortified and more than anything I was disgusted that she was trying to joke about it with me.
Do I think she physically hurt him on purpose? No. I think she didn’t know how to handle her kid plus my two in a play ground setting. Do I think she told me what REALLY happened? No. I showed Brayden this picture tonight… now that he is old enough to talk to me, and asked him what happened and without me leading him in any way, he told me he fell on the ground. I’m assuming he fell from the playground to the ground…. just putting her story and his story together. Breaks my heart.
I’m sure I’ll get judgement for posting this and I’m sure I’ll hear those comments about “that’s why I don’t put my kids in daycare”. As a household with working parents, it is the decision that we have made and the path that we have chosen. It is way harder than I believe most people would ever imagine.
I think what I have realized is that I need to listen to my kids. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when to listen or if they are just missing you or being kids. That’s what I thought it was…. I thought they just didn’t want to see me go. Looking back, I think I was wrong, they cried every time I left. Once this incident happened, we knew it was time to go, accident or not, the way she handled it was far from ok.
Now we have found a new daycare provider and she is amazing. I think this morning is when I truly realized that we are in a good place after being here for several months. Well this morning, we were leaving and Brayden said “go pawpaw’s house?” And I said “nope not today, we are going to Mary’s house” and he was EXCITED and said ” Maynai’s house” with joy, if we were at the other daycare he would have been crying. When Brayden and Brylee leave Mary’s house, they both hug her and they both blow her a kiss and say bye.
Sometimes we have to go through struggles so that we can appreciate the good. I feel like this is a perfect example.
I guess I’m writing this for a few reasons:
1) I needed to get this off my chest
2) we need to listen to our children
3) when you are struggling, remember that there is a lesson to be learned. You will grow from this. You will learn from this. Might not be right away, but it will happen.
Thanks for listening.